


please tell me i meant something

by hawaiian_shirt



Category: Teen Titans (Comics), Teen Titans - All Media Types, Titans (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, Bad Decisions, Casual Sex, Crying, Cute Garfield Logan, Denial of Feelings, Drinking, F/M, How Do I Tag, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Tagging, One Night Stands, One True Pairing, Other, Sexy Times, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, no beta we die like women
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:41:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22236529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hawaiian_shirt/pseuds/hawaiian_shirt
Summary: raven and changeling both are full of sadness, loneliness and longing, and have unhealthy methods to deal with that.
Relationships: BBRae, Dick Grayson/Koriand'r, Garfield Logan & Raven, Garfield Logan/Raven
Comments: 14
Kudos: 31





	1. truth and lies

It was only one time.

That was what Raven told herself as she watched Gar shift among the covers of her bed, his verdant torso only just covered by the thin cotton sheet. That’s what she told herself when she woke up the next morning to find him gone, the only evidence that he was there at all being the rumpled sheets and the bruises that blossomed across every inch of her body.  
She had almost convinced herself it was a dream, even when she saw the healing scratches and dark marks that peppered his neck and back.

It was only one time. 

One time that turned into two, then three, then soon enough they had lost count.

It was simple, really- Changeling needed a release, and well, so did she.

Except, Raven still couldn’t help the sharp sting she felt in her gut whenever she saw Star and Nightwing, the way their love was so strong, she could practically touch it.

And somehow, somewhere deep inside her, she longed for that too.

\--  
Garfield Logan didn’t do commitment. 

If his years with the Titans had taught him anything, it was that if you got attached, you got hurt.

Which was why, somehow, he found himself standing outside a certain empaths door, a knot in his throat and unshed tears in his eyes as he prepared to say that sorry, I have to stop fucking you into the mattress every night because I caught feelings and you don’t love me the way I love you, and I want to save myself the pain I get every time I see your face.

And yet, he still couldn’t help the memories that pervaded his entire consciousness, making him yearn for a balm, a solution to the pain that he felt in every single fucked-up cell of his body.

There was no way that Raven would want to love him, could love him, not with his messed up DNA and hideous appearance. 

He would never be good enough.

And so the changeling told Raven exactly what he had thought, his heart shattering a little bit more with every word he uttered, sickness swirling in his stomach as he watched glimmering tears brim in the violet eyes that he so loved, bile rising up in his throat as she slammed the door in his face.

And already, he wanted her back.


	2. coping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> unhealthy coping mechanisms rear their head.

The other Titans could see the change in Raven and Changeling’s demeanours from Day 1.

What once was a sweet, loving, (if not a little rough around the edges) friendship went to a frosty, painful separation within a matter of hours.

Gar turned to his first defense: his animal instincts. He started spending every night out, hooking up with a new girl every time in a desperate attempt to block out the memories that dominated his entire inner consciousness. Falling into a poisonous cycle of Eat, Sleep, Fight, Fuck, he destroyed himself, staying in the training room until the others had to practically drag him out, beating the punching bag until blood dripped from his broken and bruised knuckles. 

Tears dripped freely down his face as he looked for a way to cope, to deal with the all-consuming feeling that rendered him a sobbing mess at 3am. Gar spent those times curled up by the wall of his room, the indescribable heartache breaking down his soul bit by bit.

Changeling wasted away, his formerly vibrant emerald skin now a sickly pale green peppered with healing scars, dark hollows forming below his sullen eyes. He never slept no matter what, the empty space in his bed driving him almost to insanity.

He couldn’t stop thinking about the way her skin felt on his, the way she moaned his name as he brought her to the brink of ecstasy and back. The smell of her lavender hair and citrus tea permeated his mind, very bit of him yearning to bury his face in her hair and just let go.

But Gar couldn’t. Wouldn’t. Would never let himself hurt her- never let himself get hurt again.

And more than anything, Gar would rather destroy himself than destroy her.

\--

Raven was numb.

Truly, utterly numb.

She spent nights, days, in a haze, never letting herself feel anything beyond the familiar ache that alcohol brought, along with the precious moments of nothing.

She drank, and drank, and drank. It was the only thing that acted as a balm, a band aid for the endless ache that she felt in her chest, the ache that haunted her every move. Raven was weighed down, sinking more into herself than ever before. 

Raven's every waking moment was now spent burrowing deeper into herself, building her emotional walls back up after Changeling ripped them down.

Everything she did was now in pursuit of one thing- numbness. Searching for ways to fill the emptiness in her broken heart, she isolated herself from everyone, barely seeing anyone, let alone talking.  
Raven had made a mistake- she has let herself feel, have emotions for the first time in her life.

She would never make that mistake again.

\--

The other Titans tried, of course. 

Star spent countless days outside Raven’s door, hoping to coax the Demoness out.

She was thanked by getting flung against the wall.

Cyborg asked if Gar would be up for any video game, or even just to talk.

He was rewarded with a snarl and claw to the face.

Nightwing took the liberty of hiding every bottle of alcohol in the tower, along with the knives, grenades and other deadly materials.

And still- no change.

No change at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 is here guys!
> 
> FYI, I'm kinda basing this off the comics/fan art versions of them. NOT the animated series and NOT the live action series.
> 
> Also, they're around 20 or so in this fic.
> 
> ALSO, the fic is based off the song Stuck in Gravity by Of Monsters and Men.
> 
> Give it a listen
> 
> Anyway, Chapter 3? Yay or Nay?

**Author's Note:**

> please tell me if this is good, it's my 3am rant write that i thought should post.
> 
> chapter 2???


End file.
